Road rage

First, I should say that I am, by no means, the best driver in the world. In fact, I suck, mostly at night, at getting myself from point A to B without panicking. But there are certain things that are just common sense...

1. If I can't see your headlights in my mirror you are toooooo close. Seriously, how hard is it to brake before you're on my bumper? Also, if you see me moving up because this occurs, don't freaking move up more so you're just as close, douches.

2) If you're turning... just put your turn signal on. It's not that hard. Also, if you're turning... five turns from now, don't put your turn signal on and pass all the turns and expect me to read your mind and brake quickly enough to not have to swerve around your dumb ass.

3) You can't be blind... so you obviously see me and my huge gold car coming towards you... with no traffic behind me, so why the hell do you need to pull out in front of me? Oh, you're on your cell phone and trying to apply makeup. Okay, makes sense.

4) It's raining and it's foggy and yeah, I'm going below the speed limit. See that lane right to the left of me? Oh, that's the passing lane. Completely empty. Use it. 

5) I get that it's day time and you don't feel the need to use your headlights, that used to be me, but seriously? It's winter, the sun is not out and it's randomly foggy... your headlights might not make much of a difference to you (or maybe if you tried them they would...) but it certainly makes me be able to spot your speeding ass in a quickly manner so i can avoid you.

That's just the start of it... maybe I need to hire a chauffeur.

So yeah, I dropped my Tuesday night class and this week, the first week, I had to skip class tonight because I freak out when I reached a curvy stretch of road, covered in snow, and fog so thick I couldn't see. So hopefully my professor is awesome enough to not hold it against me, because I think I'm more valuable to the class alive than if I'd end up in a ditch somewhere. Cause honestly, I just didn't see myself in class tonight. For whatever reason. But I still attempted to go... so if I wouldn't have turned around, and my vision of not getting there came true, who knows where I would have ended up. I'm paranoid, I know.

You love my psychosis...

You tell me I'm a wreck...

I definitely bit off more than I can chew this time. 70 hour work weeks? Bring it. Three jobs? Lets go. But commuting to and from school, three times a week, an hr each way, in the dark? It's my kryptonite apparently. I spent an hr and a half on a high way, in the fog and pouring rain screaming obscenities at trucks and having panic attacks tonight.

I've always been really open about my anxiety. Usually I can handle it. Deep breathing, secluding myself, positive thinking, rocking, whatever it takes to calm myself down. Those choices are limited when you're driving and absolutely certain you're about to die. It takes something away from you. All rational thought goes out the window and bam, you're gone. You can't breathe and can't feel your legs and you see things that aren't there or aren't what they seem. It's scary. Maybe I should be on something for it but up until this point I've been okay with it. Now that may change.

So yeah, I'm dropping a class. I'm waiting to hear back from my advisor about which class she thinks I should drop, but I made it pretty clear which one i wanted to drop, tomorrows.... Cause I can't drive there and back one more time this week. I'm certain it will kill me, and that's rational Megan talking on that one. I guess I just inherited a book for a class that I may never use. But bright side is I'm doing it early enough that ill get the money back for it.

One of my professors told us that she gets we wanna finish school but our goal isn't to finish... It's to learn, no matter how long that may take us. And I guess I need t be okay with the fact that I may not be done in two years.

So for now here's to not rushing things, to asshole drivers who obviously don't know what the passing lane is for, and to mental health awareness. Maybe ill post something more philosophical and mindful tomorrow. Right now I need to crash before I down the case of twisted tea I have sitting in my room and don't wake up for work tomorrow.

oh look, you made the tree sad.

Seuss knew what was up.

Do you know what would be grand? If everyone just said what they were feeling. No mixed signals, no cryptic messages, no hoping the other person gained mind-reading skills over night. Straightforwardness. Myself included in this, as I am a guilty party as well.

Sometimes it's really hard, I know. 

But wouldn't it be lovely to go up to someone and say "hey, you're a douche-ass-hat, and you need to leave me alone now."? 

Or "Hi, I like you, let's get married and stuff?"

There are a million examples of things you could just... say. If you felt them.

Granted, it may not always be appropriate and it may not always be kind, but that's life. If everyone adopted this attitude of saying what they felt, and nobody took offense, life would be awesome. That's never going to happen. People would be mean about it, take it the wrong way, and blow things totally out of proportion.

That's not going to stop me, half the time, from speaking my mind though. When people piss me off, I tell them. If you're standing in front of me, I'll tell you to leave because your face makes me wanna punch a tree or something, and seriously, the tree did nothing to deserve that. 

Sigh. I don't know. It also makes me sad thinking about how much things change. You know, how one second you're bffs and the next it's like you don't even know each other. It's like life swoops in and just, in a moment, nothing you knew to be true is true anymore. 

I know I'm majorly at fault for bipolar friendships because my moods swing like a hammock in a tornado but sometimes, even I know it isn't me. Maybe it's not the other person entirely, either. But it's definitely not me. I can handle being the one to end things, the one at fault, cause at least then I'm in control (yep, control issues, this girl right here), and I can take the blame. 

I think this stemmed from the face that it's best friends day or something like that, as my friends on instagram so kindly informed me.  I wish life let me have one best friend, or one set of close friends. That would be easy? I mean, I'm so so so lucky to have the awesome people in my life. Three of whom I've know since 1st, 5th, and 6th grade. We be tight, yo. And we have that bond that I know we can go light-years without seeing each other then pick right back up. But the other ones, I speak of. The people who come and go and come again and they make my head wanna spin off into the universe and never return. 

Consistency is something I've always kinda craved but never really had with my life. I think that's why I form attachments to people and have such a hard time letting go. Guys especially. Some romantic, others not. Actually, mostly not. At the romantic end I kinda just throw that out to see and watch it burn with some popcorn anymore... I'm not heartless, I've just been there so many times that it gets easier. Except for one. But that's another story for another time, kids. cue ted mosby like music. 

Ahem, but yeah, guy friends seem to just waltz out. Especially the moment they find a significant other. Which i get. I do. Who wants to date a guy who's best friends with a girl, right ladies? It sucks, but jealousy runs in girls veins like glitter. Even the chillest girls on the outside have it in them. I'm sure after a while it would get to me too if I have came across that situation which I really haven't yet. So it's only natural that my guy bffs go off and find females and ditch me. Whatevs. But seriously, don't get mad at me when I'm the one to ditch you first before you can ditch me (hello, control pops up again). I'm going to distance myself.  If I genuinely care about you I'm going to want you to have a healthy and satisfying relationship and I wont do anything to jeopardize it. Again, it sucks. But I'm caring like that. It's when I don't leave, and I become close to the bitch it's that you should worry. Cause it probably means I secretly hate your guts.

Justtttttt kidding. Or am I? 

all children, except one, grow up.

If I've ever found truth in this, it's now.

Today, I started my graduate career. I sat in a room with about 20-25 other graduate students, either just starting or who recently started and we did an ice breaker and had a discussion on cultural diversity and took a pre-teacher test.

As I sat there a girl who sat next to me (she got a musical theater under grad degree...) asked me a million questions. Like, what courses am I signed up for and who the professors are, and about my life history. I honestly had no idea how to answer half of her questions. I could tell her that I graduated from Millersville with a psychology degree and that it's my first semester there. Yet I had no clue what classes I was signed up for or who was teaching them. I so wasn't prepared. Not to mention I don't do well with questions about myself, especially in a group setting. I can break out in song lyrics and I can recite poetic quotes but when it comes to myself, I haven't a clue. I adopted this go with the flow attitude so long ago and I guess that ends the second you sign up for graduate school. Suddenly they have me filling out questionnaires and needing to write a life action plan with goals and ways of achieving them and a time table for each goal. I don't know what I'm planning on doing two days from now, how the hell am I supposed to write out a plan for two years from now?

I guess I need to wing it, though. I guess I need to finally think about these things. I can't succeed in grad school without a plan, apparently. I thought applying was a huge step, apparently that's nothing. I need to figure out where this is going.

This resulted in my reading the course syllabus for each class and having mini panic attacks thinking about the course load I'm taking on. Lesson plans and book club discussions, and hosting a math event at a local elementary school... It sounds like so much, you know? On top of working two jobs. How this has anything to do with wanting to teach in an autistic support classroom is beyond me. I guess... I'll figure it out though. My books are bought. There's no going back now.

Even if I want to run screaming, as far as possible. Cause I told myself at the start of this year I'd face my fears. I guess I'm going to get to face group work and public speaking all this semester.

When did I grow up?

rainbow bright snuggies are so not lame.

Winter has finally arrived in northeast pa. Our highs haven't been getting out of the teens and everyone is freezing. I spent an hour outside last night, when the low was 9 degrees, talking about ghosts... I may be crazy. But we definitely heard a ghost banging on the doors and it just wasn't safe to re enter the building or for me to get into my car. Who knows what those ghosts may have done. 

My job is getting crazier by the day. Corporate asshats seem to think they can show up whenever they want and change everything... I guess they technically can, you know, being corporate and all. But it still sucks. For I have to watch my back at all times and that's super hard when you're in a kiosk right smack dab in the middle of the mall. They come at ya from all directions.

My hormones seems to be at an all time high. I've been crying over everything. My hair, the cold, little kids yelling at me, my dog barking, nonsensical things, sensical things like the future. I'm a ticking time bomb. I'm just hoping it passes by next week when school starts because I really don't want to walk into classes with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice. That's a fabulous first impression. 

I've been going through pictures on my computer and I've come to determine that I used to have a floor in my bedroom. That's going to be my goal for tomorrow, I guess. I have all morning and afternoon... so i introduce operation locate megan's floor.... this may result in me not having a bed when I get sick of cleaning and just throw everything on a pile on top of my bed. We shall see. 

I guess there just hasn't been much going on lately. I've been catching up on tv shows... My top list you ask?

1) Pretty Little Liars, biiiiiiiig things are happening!

2) Parks and Recreation, I have a crush on Aziz Ansari... shhhhh...

3) New girl, who doesn't love zooey?

4) Bunheads, cause it's so much like gilmore girls, except completely different.

5) Hart of Dixie, cause I've always wanted to be a southern belle.

I have a life, I swear. It's just... cold outside, you know. And people are stupid.

why that escalated quickly.

My night... in photo form...

it started with this text message...

then escalated into this fancy glass...

bill meets god... or an orb... but he may not have been listening because he was busy eavesdropping on a business meeting...

bill tried to rob russ... and try to get him to drink beer... and find out if he's gay. okay, i added that last part.

we have more entertaining business meetings than guys in polo shirts. our serious business faces. but we moved, so we're business ghosts.

I need more nights out with humans... I'll leave you to ponder on that.

Where's my sticker?

Walmart...

this is the kinda shit I expect to see when I cross the threshold...

I pretty much grew up in a walmart. My mom's worked there as long as I can remember and more often than not she wouldn't have someone to watch me, and my dad worked a lot of nights, so i'd hang out... at walmart... They used to have this awesome restaurant who's name I cant remember that had banging curly fries. I'd waste time and money in the arcade. I'd wander the aisles and was able to help people find pretty much anything they were looking for. So yeah, I became accustomed to the idiots who shopped there in barely any clothing. 

Needless to say, now I absolutely hate walmart. I'd rather not shop there... at all, but sometimes they're the cheapest and most convenient place to go, especially during a national holiday and they're the only store open and you absolutely need a gallon of milk or something... you know. 

However, there is a walmart that I never mind going into. It's about a twenty minute drive from my house but it's probably the calmest, cleanest walmart I have ever been in. I ventured there yesterday and I walked in and didn't immediately get a migraine from the lights or get knocked over by hillbillies in electric scooter carts. A woman accidentally bumped into me and apologized... profusely. I was shocked. I was there a few months ago and a guy with a deep southern accent let me in front of him in line... people are... friendly. And yeah, there may have been a few people wandering in pajamas but i'm not expecting miracles over night for all of humanity...

So I introduce...

The classiest walmart... at least in this area.

what this queen is grateful for :)

1) Coffee. Sometimes I seriously don't think I'd make it through the day without it.

2) My health. I know I'm sick 97.25% of the time, but in the grand scheme of things it's nothing i wont overcome and heal from. There are so many people out there with things they can't come back from. I need to remind myself of this more often.

3) My dog, who just came up to me, stood on my knee with a bone in his mouth, stared at me, and pounced away to eat said bone. He may drive me crazy but he contributes a source of happiness I never thought he would when I first laid eyes on him.

4) Having a source of income. I may take a lot of shit from all of my jobs, but I have to be thankful that i'm making money, despite how minimal. It's sad that money is so important in life, but it really is, and without it i'd be pretty much screwed.

5) My car. It gets me from point A to B and every adventure in between. Without it I'd be stuck and we all know how I feel about being stuck. If I feel like I don't have a way out, a way to just run far far away, I panic. It's fun.

6) A family who lets me stay under their roof while I get back on my feet and figure out which direction I wanna sail in life.

7) My fabulous friends. Who, without, I'd probably be a sad sad human being. You guys are my rocks when my life is mush. You're my part-time gravity when my head gets too up in the clouds, and my part-time anti-gravity when I can't seem to get up off the ground.

8) All of my negative life experiences. They've given be valuable lessons I never would have learned otherwise.

9) Netflix. Thanks for keeping me company on all those long lonely nights, and days when I've been stuck in bed. Ps- update your shows more quickly.

10) I can't really think of a tenth thing, but lists should be in 10s right?

The title of this blog post has nothing to do with the actual content of this post.

I start school in six days. I'm incredible excited and nervous and petrified all at once. A plethora of emotions scatter through me as I think about what this means; another two plus years of my life spoken for, a chance at a better job, a job I like more. More debt. Uncertainty. Who knows what's going to happen next.

I remember a lot of my "first" days of school. My first day at undergrad I was a hot mess. I moved away for the first time ever and lived with people my own age, away from my parents. As little as I wanted to admit it, I was scared. I had major separation anxiety (still do...) and I hated people my own age, and my roommate was a psychopath who couldn't sleep if there was any noise or lights or what have you and I'm the complete opposite. That got itself worked out when she moved and I got an alcohol roommate who I became friends with to only later realize she was a klepto. Oh the roommate stories... like the one who listened to the milk shake song on repeat. Anyways...

I remember my first day of high school. High school I actually enjoyed. I got to spend time with my friends and learn stuff and still be home by 3. It was kind of nice.

Middle school I'm pretty sure is repressed in there somewhere. And Elementary school... well, my first day of kindergarten was interesting...

My anxiety played a major role in each of my first days of school. It was a sad circumstance in a time when no one really knew the role anxiety could play in kids so I wasn't medicated like I should have been (this stems to even now when I'm too afraid to self medicate myself... if only someone else would have made that decision for me...). But this is different because I'm not anxious in that bad twitchy way, I'm nervous in a, this is the start of something new and a completely natural response, kind of way.

I don't know where this is going to lead, if i'm even going to finish, if it'll amount to a new job I love. The uncertainty is... intense. I have no idea where I'm going with this....

But  I can say that I'm ready to learn. I just hope my professors aren't douche bags and I can get away with not studying like I did in all my psych classes. But it's teaching, right? I should be a pro at that by now...

i'm that princess who slays her own dragons...

I'm not really someone you can count on for consistency. I used to be, but my life has kinda gone psycho in the past year or so. I mean, you can count on me to leave the house, but I'll never end up where I'm supposed to or do what I intended on doing. Like today when I left the house to go buy storage containers and I returned home over an hour later with new clothes and a winter coat ($15 clearance sale... hello bargains!) I still don't have storage containers, but I do have an outfit for work tomorrow and a way to stay warm when our temperatures drop to 15 degrees this week. Hello, winter. I loathe your coldness.

My head got all foggy and my brain got scattered and I walk into rooms and can't remember why. I don't know if it's an old age thing (cause seriously, i'm a year and a half away from a quarter life crisis), a stress reaction, or just how I've always been and I finally started paying attention. I'm sure if I googled it though, I'd have some sort of brain tumor. I need to stop googling my symptoms. And yes, spell check, 'google' is a word. And a verb. Keep up with the TIMES!

Never have I ever been one to need someone in her life. Sometimes I get wrapped up in someone and devote all my sparse free time to them because I genuinely enjoy their company (I'm talking about BOYS here... not my fabulous female companions...) but more often than not I get bored, they get douchey and we either amicably split ways or it gets awkward until someone has the guts to say it's no longer working. So yeah... I slay my own freaking dragons. I burn bridges... I have a lighter on hand at all times for that very reason... And people tend to get scared and not come back, you know? Cause who wants to fight with the crazy chick carrying a lighter around and slaying dragons and shit with her own bare hands... and then actually go against their better judgement and stick around? Well... crazy people.

One crazy person. Who always comes back. Who helps me slay my dragons when I can't quite get the knife deep enough, who blocks the wind for my cheap ass lighter when i'm setting things ablaze. Who puts up with my rants and late night psycho babble and my random dance parties. Who can talk me down from the ledge (hypothetically of course). But what I do in return is just the same, if not more. He's a ball of bipolar whirlwind chaotic mismatched printed socks. Who i can never read. He's that book written in elvish that some words just pop right out but others may never have a clear translation. And I have every reason in this world, and Mordor, to not trust him, to be wary. But with a history like ours, it's hard to burn the bridge completely. I tend to just put up road blocks until he's matured enough to knock them down. They're on an automatic timer though, with the slightest bit of bullshit and immaturity setting them right back up again... We'll see where this goes.

This is why I've always believed in not making promises. They're stupid and life happens and you can't change people, so why make promises? Unless it's like a promise to not make promises... that's a totally legit promise to make.

Stay classy.

Me.

I'm never going to "fit in" and I don't want to.

I laugh at everything. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, other times I genuinely find you funny.

I'm always going to run over that curb when turning onto my street... or any other curb i come across. I cannot judge distances.

There's always gonna be a part of me that's self conscious. Maybe it's a girl thing, maybe it's a me thing.

I will always drink too much coffee. And I'll always crave the things that are worst for me.

There's a good chance I'm always going to choose sweatpants and a book over going out on a friday night. Maybe I should... but for now I'm content.

I'll never be "good" at meeting new people. I'm too socially awkward.

I've never been good in groups. One or two people, that's my limit. Unless you wanna see me clam.

I will never stop learning. Or striving.

Sometimes my head gets lost in the clouds and I need something to bring me down... gravity.

Sometimes my dreams are too big and my plans are too wild and my heart is too open.

Other times I get lost, sad, and close myself behind locked doors and motes with dragons.

Sometimes I want someone to save me.

More often than not I'm saving myself.

My life is chaotic and stressful and I don't deal with it like I should.

But I'm doing the best I can and for right now? That's all I can do :)

Doctors and ghosts... Say whaaaa?

I've never been good at being sick. Ever. I'm a champ with pain as I've had my fair share of it but when it comes to being holed up in bed with a cough that leaves me exhausted and craving sleep after being up for three days... That I can't do. I'm always moving I'm always on the go. Things that slow me down are a pain in the ass.

It also means I break down and go to the doctor because seriously, not being able to breathe just isn't cool these days. Why do I hate the dr you ask?

1) it takes forever to get an appointment. They have you on hold for twenty minutes to finally get through to a receptionist who schedules you for thirty hours later (which for me means I'll no longer be sick, the way my life works...). You then show up for the appointment and they cart you from room to room for an hr before the dr finally sees you for five minutes.

2) the waiting room... Creeps and assholes. People who cough without covering their mouths and people who choose to sit right next to you when there's a whole waiting room at your disposal. They all find me.

3) They just have to weigh you. I pride myself in not getting on the scale and being happy with how I feel, not a number. But then they make me get on a crickety old scale and bam, my self esteem is shot again. Sigh.

On a side note while spending all day dying in bed yesterday I watched the entire first season of American horror story. I think I'm in love. I need to find asylum like ASAP. But I spent what time wasn't used up with trying not to choke on my own tongue screaming "SAY WHAAA???" At the the tv... Yeah I'm classy.

Now I'm off to try to make myself look like I have an energy level higher than 3.57. It's hard when your body is greedy and keeps screaming MOAR SLEEP!

Nonsense.

Looks like I'm sick again... I woke up this morning with a sore throat and it's progressed into cough attacks... Like seriously, lungs, I know you're mad at me and shit but come on... Just heal already. So this weird illness has turned from sinus infection to bronchitis back to sinus to stomach flu and nowww looks like it may turn yet again into bronchitis. I'm over seasons and cold weather and being sick.

I like being barefoot. Shoes just slow me down and are stupid. If Obama announced tomorrow that shoes would be made illegal he'd be my new BFF, even though I have some bones to pick with him. But seriously, that's how much i hate shoes. But being barefoot is so much easier when it's not below freezing outside and I don't see my breath.

Another thing I'm sick of is being judged for my age. I know to a lot of people I'm young. So that automatically means I'm a part of the troubled youth of society who goes out to wild parties every weekend and says f the man! Yea!

No. I was never a kid. I was briefly a teenager in the aspect that I had a slight attitude problem, and I may or may not have grown out of it, but still... I've always just taken care of myself. So I didn't do bush parties in high school or wild frat parties in college. I wanted more than that. So yeah, it pisses me off when I'm looked down upon professionally because I'm actually working and supporting myself at 23, not looking for hand outs from anyone who will listen.

This may or may not have stemmed from the fact that the old grouchy receptionist in the school pretty much yelled at me for not ringing the bell to be left in today but stood there thinking the door was open and tried it. Sorry woman, but you looked me in the freaking eye. You SAW me, why the hell should I ring the buzzer when you saw me coming right for you? But her thoughts were totally "stupid kid" as she told me the door works better when I actually ring to come in. Sorry bitch I was too focused on how I was going to save the world that day so oh, I don't know, you don't end up in a vice grip by some angry kids... Try doing that on a daily basis...

I hate people.

Bright side I saw my beautiful non blood niece today and she threw Cookie Monster at me and laughed like a maniac. I need to have kids... Stat...

in the midst.

this sums me up... in a nutshell.

Humanity.

Things have a way of surprising me... but then yet, I'm not surprised by anything because i always expect... things.

Cue mystery music.

There is one person in this world though who I can never predict and is continuously surprising me. Like when, a few moons ago, he knew my middle name with me telling him maybe once. That seriously shocked me. (I wont forget your middle name again, that's for sure...) And he drove around with me tonight in search of milkshakes and smoothies. And I don't know... he's just... far from normal in a far from bad kind of way. I'm not going to get into this now...

Everyone else I can kinda predict what's going to happen. I know when someone is going to do something asinine and i'm going to get mad and fight with them. I know when clients are going to cancel. I know when customers are going to suck. It's a blessing and a curse.

It's rare for me to have positive things to say about people. I tend to hate everyone. So when I find someone who doesn't piss me off on a regular basis I try to keep them around. It rarely happens. People leave, or people change, or people turn bipolar and want nothing to do with me. BUT THATS OKAY. Because if people didn't leave I wouldn't know how to handle rejection. If people weren't crazy I wouldn't have a job. It's life. I need to stop trying to control people and their actions. Cause it ain't happening...

More often than not I just want to crawl into a hole and not deal with anyone. Now is one of those times. If I could run away and shrink maybe 3 people and take them with me in my pocket, I would. I wouldn't ask for anything else... if I couldnt have that I'd ask for a million dollars, the perfect wardrobe, or a jeep with a self-filling gas tank. I dream big, what can I say.

So yeah... people: bad.

I just can't deal with the bullshit anymore. Maybe it's time to make some changes. And just maybe, that needs to start with me.

My superpowers are coffee drinking and sarcastic comments.

Now... when I make sarcastic comments I put absolutely no effort into it. It's a natural reaction to almost everything that every human being says to me. But it comes out like every other normal sentence that comes out... which is few and far between but still, it happens on occasion. I don't know if this means I suck or if i'm just a genius. Let's go with genius...

Can I just say that i hate flu season? I always have and I get super paranoid and end up hyperventilating while I watch the news (which is why I never watch the news, ever. The local news app alerts to me important worldly things... I'm cool with that). So naturally when I started getting sick this past weekend I was a super paranoid hot mess. It didn't help when I couldn't move without needing to take a power nap, and my stomach felt like it had a rabid dragon clawing at my insides... Well, that part is still relevant but at least I can move around for longer than 3.4 minutes.

I'm not the type of person who can just sit still and do nothing. I have super respect for all those who can sit on the couch for hours on end and just stare... or watch movies, whatever. I mean, I can do that, but not day after day. Maybe for one day, or even half a day... maybe. But I need to be moving. So when I'm sick I always try to go to work. Which isn't always what's best for me, but hey I need money, and I get antsy. But this time was different. Yeah, I worked everyday, but it was for about 3 or 4 hours before I got the point of delirium and just left and called off for my night shift obligations. Maybe I'm growing up. I should probably clean up my blanket fort before work...

So yesterday at work it was confirmed I am capable of being a ninja. A box of weird little objects came flying at me and my supervisor as we sat there chatting about super important work related things (like kids using dad vs daddy, and the how it's stupid to expect people of this day and age to leave their cell phones in the car). I reached up and swatted them away while dodging the brunt of it. What did we do afterwards? Cry? Psh, NO. Run? Yea right. We laughed. And discussed the aerodynamics of the throw and how impressive it was. Yes, we are so cut out for this job.

On a closing note, party planning is hard, friends. Especially when you work a million hours and want it to be perfect for your oldest bff.

Sup?

My job keeps me so busy... Obviously.

I was in school today with my favorite cool kids. The princess of the classroom ran around echoing everyone's names and singing us songs.

Then folders and tables went flying and the universe was balanced again because it wouldn't be a day in that classroom without putting my ninja skills to good use... If they gave black belts for dodging shit I'd totally have one.

Here's to hoping I don't have parasites in my stomach!

At least I try to be stitched together with good intentions.

I would like to preface this post by saying that I in no way claim to be perfect. In fact, I've always been very open about my flaws and personalty quirks. I have hypocritical tendencies, but I'm working on them. Seriously.

I'm a broke grad student so naturally... I live with my parents. Not my ideal lifestyle but I have to do what I have to do. Besides, it's this or living in the little hobo shack on the railroad tracks behind the local KFC. What does this charming arrangement entail, you may ask?

1) Having anything I leave laying out for longer than 10 minutes (I'm not joking, either) either thrown into my room, thrown down into the basement or onto the deck. I once left a shirt in the basement on top of the dryer, sitting to let stain remover soak in (cause I'm all domestic and shit) and it disappeared within the hour.

2) If I leave anything in the kitchen (like say, a bottle I'm going to be all eco-friendly with and reuse for green tea on my travels to work the next day) it gets thrown away. Same goes for coffee cups, milk cartons, soup cans (I like to bake in them...), and cookie tins... Today I put meat out on the counter to thaw for dinner and left the house for an hour to get gas (big mistake) and I return to it put back in the freezer.

3) When I moved home I was forced to combine a small apartments worth of stuff with my already full bedroom because I'm no longer allowed to store stuff in the attic or basement (stipulation: UNLESS it's thrown there by my pissed off mother.) So I can no longer walk through my bedroom, or find anything, and I'm pretty sure a gaggle of orphaned children could be camping out amongst the wreckage and I'd have no damn idea.

4) I have a small little basket (it's like one of those fork utensil organizer baskets you find at a dollar store) worth of space in the bathroom to shove my make up, deodorant, perfume, moisturizer, straightener, any hair products, and blow dryer in. Anything that comes out of said basket gets thrown in either a) the under storage space (where I'm pretty sure stink bugs have made a nest) or, you may have guessed it, b) back into my room.

There's so much more, but that's the logistics for my stuff. Me as a person, could be a whole other post... It's such a emotionally and mentally rewarding lifestyle. I love playing hide and seek with my work pants on a regular basis, ya know?? But what can I say... I'll refer anyone who has anything to say about my appearance at work at 8 am  or when I have random anxiety attacks mid-day, to this post. I've discussed this all with my past shrinks, too. They seemed to think I have the situation under control.

On a completely different note, I've decided I need to be way more self sufficient so today I learned all about my car. I now know how to fill the oil, windshield wiper fluid, brake fluid, and power steering. And how to check all of them. Next I'm going to need someone to show me how to fix a flat tire. I know I learned in drivers ed in high school. But back then I didn't even have my license and therefore reasoned there not being a need to know such a dirty job. 23-year-old Megan would like to smack 16-year-old Megan across the face. Cause I'm sick of calling AAA every time I have a car problem. The guy in the big yellow tow truck and I have become quite close over the past few years.

I've also had some extremely odd dreams lately. Mostly they pertain to work but one in particular had all my Sims families come to life narrated by my friend Bill doing strange poses and such. It was almost like a Big Brother-esque feel and Bill was the Julie Chen of the Sims world... only not a woman and not Chinese.

Cheers to the freaking weekend...

Chivalry wasn't always dead.

I'm having a bipolar day. Now, I know what the meaning of true bipolar is. I was a psych major. But I know people in today's world use the term loosely in a modern way and today I wanna be just like everyone else. (Not really. Gag.)

First of all, I found my power couple. While people my age are out there fawning over the latest celebrity couples and whatever Kardashian is knocked up now I'm speaking of a couple that frequents my teeny tiny mall in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

As the story goes (the abridged version) they've been together forever, literally. I guess he was in the army and she stayed faithful and waited for him to come home to her and then they grew old together. But then she got Alzheimer's and it was his turn to show his loyalty to her. They walk through this mall every single night and stop to see me every single night and make me wanna bawl my eyes out in an 'this is seriously the most romantic thing ever' kinda way. She calls me sweetheart and my heart melts. And she has the cutest headbands and they are always holding hands. They seriously give me hope for relationships and that just maybe there are still some faithful guys out there.

Cause I am way too young to consider buying St. Bernard puppies and calling it quits on men.

Side note: I've been consuming chocolate milk by the gallon... Yep I'm menstrual again.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Flashback: 2006

17 year old Megan starting her first job... At the local pretzel stand. Suddenly I find myself immersed in this new culture of old people chillaxing over doughy goodness and little kids screaming over ice cream and middle aged people screaming about the edibility of their pretzel. I was in culture shock. Soon I found my place though. Made a friend, who I'm still friends with to this day and you'll probably here a lot about, also made a bunch of enemies.

Current day 2013:
Pretzel stand goes out of business.

People's reactions: OMGz is it gone??? FOREVER??? No dipshit they went on vacation and took all of their equipment with them. The oven needed a trip to the Bahamas... Ugh people.

Another thing I hate is how I'm very obviously doing a piercing and people are all 'I have eyes and can see you're busy but it's really important you help me RIGHT NOW or my left kidney will jump out of my body and attack you' yeah? Well buddy I have a sharp piercing earring in my hand and my eyes are tired so they may just slip and attack your face instead of this girls ear... He left.

Sleepless Megan is not as friendly as she used to be. She's kinda a hot mess. The kinda hot mess where she's looking at the kid she's working with and he's sitting there eating his lucky charms and all if a sudden he and the kid next to him in lunch morph into one kid eating a huge hamburger alarming me half to death because the closest thing to a hamburger my kid eats is crabby patty gummy candies made entirely of wax and sugar.

I didn't have coffee today and chocolate milk is NOT a good substitute, friends.

Capes, Coffee, and the attack of the Children

I am probably the single most boring person in the world. I'll sit and watch Good Luck Charlie or other teeny-bopper Disney shows for hours on end instead of socializing. But honestly? People kind of scare me. It's not like all I do with my time is sit and watch TV while drinking coffee... Pshhh, who has time for that with 2 jobs and starting full time grad school? Not this girl. All I'm saying is if I have some down time I'd prefer to chill with the Duncans, at least they don't make me wear a bra or comb my hair.

I'm a jack of all trades. I juggle two part time jobs. If I'm not in a small kiosk terrorizing and lying to children (no, lovebug, me jamming this sharp earring through your ear with a gun is NOT going to hurt so please sit still and don't kick me in the uterus and I'll be quick and give you a lollipop) I'm in a school or home, telling teachers and parents how to handle the behaviors of their kids. Making kids cry seems to be my thing. Making other adults mad when I try to tell them that their tactics for dealing with kids is sub-par, also seems to be my thing. If being my thing is defined as being glared at on a regular basis. After all  I didn't slave through 4 years of undergrad to have a job where oh, I don't know, I don't leave on a daily basis without a new battle scar to show off. Good thing I like scars.

More than likely, though, this is all for the greater good. If I'm going to be a baker, or a photographer, or an archaeologist, or you know, a teacher like I'm signing away more years of my life and money for, these skills will come in handy.

It's also a good thing that I have a close relationship with coffee. It means the difference between dusting off my cape and lying down and having children climb all over me.