all children, except one, grow up.

If I've ever found truth in this, it's now.

Today, I started my graduate career. I sat in a room with about 20-25 other graduate students, either just starting or who recently started and we did an ice breaker and had a discussion on cultural diversity and took a pre-teacher test.

As I sat there a girl who sat next to me (she got a musical theater under grad degree...) asked me a million questions. Like, what courses am I signed up for and who the professors are, and about my life history. I honestly had no idea how to answer half of her questions. I could tell her that I graduated from Millersville with a psychology degree and that it's my first semester there. Yet I had no clue what classes I was signed up for or who was teaching them. I so wasn't prepared. Not to mention I don't do well with questions about myself, especially in a group setting. I can break out in song lyrics and I can recite poetic quotes but when it comes to myself, I haven't a clue. I adopted this go with the flow attitude so long ago and I guess that ends the second you sign up for graduate school. Suddenly they have me filling out questionnaires and needing to write a life action plan with goals and ways of achieving them and a time table for each goal. I don't know what I'm planning on doing two days from now, how the hell am I supposed to write out a plan for two years from now?

I guess I need to wing it, though. I guess I need to finally think about these things. I can't succeed in grad school without a plan, apparently. I thought applying was a huge step, apparently that's nothing. I need to figure out where this is going.

This resulted in my reading the course syllabus for each class and having mini panic attacks thinking about the course load I'm taking on. Lesson plans and book club discussions, and hosting a math event at a local elementary school... It sounds like so much, you know? On top of working two jobs. How this has anything to do with wanting to teach in an autistic support classroom is beyond me. I guess... I'll figure it out though. My books are bought. There's no going back now.

Even if I want to run screaming, as far as possible. Cause I told myself at the start of this year I'd face my fears. I guess I'm going to get to face group work and public speaking all this semester.

When did I grow up?