The title of this blog post has nothing to do with the actual content of this post.

I start school in six days. I'm incredible excited and nervous and petrified all at once. A plethora of emotions scatter through me as I think about what this means; another two plus years of my life spoken for, a chance at a better job, a job I like more. More debt. Uncertainty. Who knows what's going to happen next.

I remember a lot of my "first" days of school. My first day at undergrad I was a hot mess. I moved away for the first time ever and lived with people my own age, away from my parents. As little as I wanted to admit it, I was scared. I had major separation anxiety (still do...) and I hated people my own age, and my roommate was a psychopath who couldn't sleep if there was any noise or lights or what have you and I'm the complete opposite. That got itself worked out when she moved and I got an alcohol roommate who I became friends with to only later realize she was a klepto. Oh the roommate stories... like the one who listened to the milk shake song on repeat. Anyways...

I remember my first day of high school. High school I actually enjoyed. I got to spend time with my friends and learn stuff and still be home by 3. It was kind of nice.

Middle school I'm pretty sure is repressed in there somewhere. And Elementary school... well, my first day of kindergarten was interesting...

My anxiety played a major role in each of my first days of school. It was a sad circumstance in a time when no one really knew the role anxiety could play in kids so I wasn't medicated like I should have been (this stems to even now when I'm too afraid to self medicate myself... if only someone else would have made that decision for me...). But this is different because I'm not anxious in that bad twitchy way, I'm nervous in a, this is the start of something new and a completely natural response, kind of way.

I don't know where this is going to lead, if i'm even going to finish, if it'll amount to a new job I love. The uncertainty is... intense. I have no idea where I'm going with this....

But  I can say that I'm ready to learn. I just hope my professors aren't douche bags and I can get away with not studying like I did in all my psych classes. But it's teaching, right? I should be a pro at that by now...