back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with the despair of someone breaking your heart.

there are some things that school just does not prepare you for.

like: broken hearts, student loan payments, and the fact that you may just not be cut out for one career.

i'm pretty sure a UFO just went by my house... anyways...

we're drilled to pick a major to help us get a career we're going to have forever.

but what happens when we aren't awesome at one thing but merely great at many things?

i can make a cake a masterpiece, i have the eye for photography, i'm awesome at retail, apparently. i'd love to have my own business. i work well with children. i can relate, since i never grew up.

so maybe, just maybe, what i need are several jobs that each fulfill a different aspect of my interests. maybe i'm not typical. maybe i wont ever hold a 9-5 job with a desk or office.

i think i've blogged about this before. but i mean it. i'm going after subbing. first as an aid, eventually as a teacher. I wanna dabble in many things. this opens up my time for still staying at pagoda and also pursuing other dreams.

life is just weird like that.

it's funny what you can come up with when it's 1am, you're exhausted, and your brain won't shut off. there is entirely too much going on right now for my brain to be able to comprehend. but i'm hoping it works out for me in the end.

why i wasn't cut out for teaching.

For a really long time after I made my decision to stop grad school I felt like a failure. I had been so excited and so hyped up about it since I made the initial decision that it made me feel crazy for even considering not just finishing what I started. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I would make a kick ass teacher... I just wouldn't be able to in the world we live in today.

Not where academics are so focused on standardized testing.

Not where memorization takes such a precedent over exploration of content.

Not where the college professors teaching future teachers are teaching us to do one thing then telling us that that just isn't how schools work.

I think memorizing is stupid.  The world is designed nowadays that information is readily available with a flick of the unlock screen on your smart phone. Why spend so much time focused on memorization (except for basic math...) when you can be focusing on teaching kids how to go about finding the information they need. Teach kids the difference between reliable sources and not reliable sources.

Because as I've learned, textbooks are not reliable sources. (Any teacher who hasn't read "Lies My Teacher Told Me" should go find it right now...

So yeah, let's continue to teach generations straight from one textbook, filled with writer bias, as well as Proud to be an American biases, and have students not remember anything 5 years later, and be appalled when they finally learn that everything that was taught to them was just a hoax. That makes complete sense, because giving the kids time to research their own findings and then form their own opinions, is completely trashy.

So am I saddened? Yeah. Am I being practical, though? Hell yea. Because in a world where charter schools are so controversial, this degree would serve no purpose to me.

I guess I'll just stick with behavioral psych. Because there's nothing like going to work everyday and never knowing what type of heavy objects are going to come flying my way.

I can't fake the daytime.

there's not enough time in most days. then there are the days that drag on forever. today was one of those days.

I decided I needed new clothes so I went shopping. i'm awesome at conserving money any more. but seriously, I had $5 in my bank account consistently for the past however many months and I saw a balance with more than two digits and decided to celebrate.

Old navy used to be my best friend so I searched there. I found an awesome denim shirt dress, a super comfortable shirt and a boyfriend sweater. I think that's what it's called. I figured I don't have a boyfriend to steal a sweater from so I may as well suck it up and buy one. And guess what? it's super warm, super cute, and light weight. Boys know what's up in the sweater department.

So then I needed belts, obviously. Apparently rue had some sort of clearance secret sale because what I tallied to be a $15 sale came out to be $4. Yeah, I was pretty stoked. I resisted temptation in the deb and didn't spend $90 for the three shirts I fell in love with. That's progress, me thinks.

Life has been weird. Mother nature hates me. My jobs hate me. I'm pretty sure I'm this close to failing out of grad school for lack of participation. And lack of teaching skills. I'm in the process of transferring to a school closer to home. I figure it's win-win. And Bloomsburg is just... bipolar and cold and lacking any logistics in it's education program so i'm peacing out of there. If Alvernia does not accept me, however, thennnn yeah, I'm dropping out and calling it a day. I'm so consistent.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and decide I wanna be a botanist. That sounds fun. Who knows. I knew this about myself a long time ago and I should have realized it wasn't going to go away just because I grew up and blew away.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I do know that I'm really good at getting people to ignore me. I'm not that person who just sits idly by and shuts up when you're being stupid. sorry. And don't ask me my opinion if you're just going to ignore me when I give it to you. I really... don't know. It's like, ten steps forward, fifty steps back.

I'm dealing so well with life these days, obviously. I'm not quite sure there's a Xanax dose large enough to calm me down half the time. And I hate doctors so I refuse to go soooo i'm left to my own devices of dancing around parking lots and calming myself down in less than healthy ways.

This is why I enjoy the night. It masks everything. I go outside and can't see a damn thing, I can't see the world, and I'm okay with that. The world is a scary place. The night can be scary too. Things seem bigger and badder and way more complicated masked by the night. But the night has the stars and they may be the most magical thing that I have ever seen. Daytime is convenient, but who wants to settle for convenient?

rainbow bright snuggies are so not lame.

Winter has finally arrived in northeast pa. Our highs haven't been getting out of the teens and everyone is freezing. I spent an hour outside last night, when the low was 9 degrees, talking about ghosts... I may be crazy. But we definitely heard a ghost banging on the doors and it just wasn't safe to re enter the building or for me to get into my car. Who knows what those ghosts may have done. 

My job is getting crazier by the day. Corporate asshats seem to think they can show up whenever they want and change everything... I guess they technically can, you know, being corporate and all. But it still sucks. For I have to watch my back at all times and that's super hard when you're in a kiosk right smack dab in the middle of the mall. They come at ya from all directions.

My hormones seems to be at an all time high. I've been crying over everything. My hair, the cold, little kids yelling at me, my dog barking, nonsensical things, sensical things like the future. I'm a ticking time bomb. I'm just hoping it passes by next week when school starts because I really don't want to walk into classes with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice. That's a fabulous first impression. 

I've been going through pictures on my computer and I've come to determine that I used to have a floor in my bedroom. That's going to be my goal for tomorrow, I guess. I have all morning and afternoon... so i introduce operation locate megan's floor.... this may result in me not having a bed when I get sick of cleaning and just throw everything on a pile on top of my bed. We shall see. 

I guess there just hasn't been much going on lately. I've been catching up on tv shows... My top list you ask?

1) Pretty Little Liars, biiiiiiiig things are happening!

2) Parks and Recreation, I have a crush on Aziz Ansari... shhhhh...

3) New girl, who doesn't love zooey?

4) Bunheads, cause it's so much like gilmore girls, except completely different.

5) Hart of Dixie, cause I've always wanted to be a southern belle.

I have a life, I swear. It's just... cold outside, you know. And people are stupid.

My superpowers are coffee drinking and sarcastic comments.

Now... when I make sarcastic comments I put absolutely no effort into it. It's a natural reaction to almost everything that every human being says to me. But it comes out like every other normal sentence that comes out... which is few and far between but still, it happens on occasion. I don't know if this means I suck or if i'm just a genius. Let's go with genius...

Can I just say that i hate flu season? I always have and I get super paranoid and end up hyperventilating while I watch the news (which is why I never watch the news, ever. The local news app alerts to me important worldly things... I'm cool with that). So naturally when I started getting sick this past weekend I was a super paranoid hot mess. It didn't help when I couldn't move without needing to take a power nap, and my stomach felt like it had a rabid dragon clawing at my insides... Well, that part is still relevant but at least I can move around for longer than 3.4 minutes.

I'm not the type of person who can just sit still and do nothing. I have super respect for all those who can sit on the couch for hours on end and just stare... or watch movies, whatever. I mean, I can do that, but not day after day. Maybe for one day, or even half a day... maybe. But I need to be moving. So when I'm sick I always try to go to work. Which isn't always what's best for me, but hey I need money, and I get antsy. But this time was different. Yeah, I worked everyday, but it was for about 3 or 4 hours before I got the point of delirium and just left and called off for my night shift obligations. Maybe I'm growing up. I should probably clean up my blanket fort before work...

So yesterday at work it was confirmed I am capable of being a ninja. A box of weird little objects came flying at me and my supervisor as we sat there chatting about super important work related things (like kids using dad vs daddy, and the how it's stupid to expect people of this day and age to leave their cell phones in the car). I reached up and swatted them away while dodging the brunt of it. What did we do afterwards? Cry? Psh, NO. Run? Yea right. We laughed. And discussed the aerodynamics of the throw and how impressive it was. Yes, we are so cut out for this job.

On a closing note, party planning is hard, friends. Especially when you work a million hours and want it to be perfect for your oldest bff.

Sup?

My job keeps me so busy... Obviously.

I was in school today with my favorite cool kids. The princess of the classroom ran around echoing everyone's names and singing us songs.

Then folders and tables went flying and the universe was balanced again because it wouldn't be a day in that classroom without putting my ninja skills to good use... If they gave black belts for dodging shit I'd totally have one.

Here's to hoping I don't have parasites in my stomach!

Capes, Coffee, and the attack of the Children

I am probably the single most boring person in the world. I'll sit and watch Good Luck Charlie or other teeny-bopper Disney shows for hours on end instead of socializing. But honestly? People kind of scare me. It's not like all I do with my time is sit and watch TV while drinking coffee... Pshhh, who has time for that with 2 jobs and starting full time grad school? Not this girl. All I'm saying is if I have some down time I'd prefer to chill with the Duncans, at least they don't make me wear a bra or comb my hair.

I'm a jack of all trades. I juggle two part time jobs. If I'm not in a small kiosk terrorizing and lying to children (no, lovebug, me jamming this sharp earring through your ear with a gun is NOT going to hurt so please sit still and don't kick me in the uterus and I'll be quick and give you a lollipop) I'm in a school or home, telling teachers and parents how to handle the behaviors of their kids. Making kids cry seems to be my thing. Making other adults mad when I try to tell them that their tactics for dealing with kids is sub-par, also seems to be my thing. If being my thing is defined as being glared at on a regular basis. After all  I didn't slave through 4 years of undergrad to have a job where oh, I don't know, I don't leave on a daily basis without a new battle scar to show off. Good thing I like scars.

More than likely, though, this is all for the greater good. If I'm going to be a baker, or a photographer, or an archaeologist, or you know, a teacher like I'm signing away more years of my life and money for, these skills will come in handy.

It's also a good thing that I have a close relationship with coffee. It means the difference between dusting off my cape and lying down and having children climb all over me.