I can't fake the daytime.

there's not enough time in most days. then there are the days that drag on forever. today was one of those days.

I decided I needed new clothes so I went shopping. i'm awesome at conserving money any more. but seriously, I had $5 in my bank account consistently for the past however many months and I saw a balance with more than two digits and decided to celebrate.

Old navy used to be my best friend so I searched there. I found an awesome denim shirt dress, a super comfortable shirt and a boyfriend sweater. I think that's what it's called. I figured I don't have a boyfriend to steal a sweater from so I may as well suck it up and buy one. And guess what? it's super warm, super cute, and light weight. Boys know what's up in the sweater department.

So then I needed belts, obviously. Apparently rue had some sort of clearance secret sale because what I tallied to be a $15 sale came out to be $4. Yeah, I was pretty stoked. I resisted temptation in the deb and didn't spend $90 for the three shirts I fell in love with. That's progress, me thinks.

Life has been weird. Mother nature hates me. My jobs hate me. I'm pretty sure I'm this close to failing out of grad school for lack of participation. And lack of teaching skills. I'm in the process of transferring to a school closer to home. I figure it's win-win. And Bloomsburg is just... bipolar and cold and lacking any logistics in it's education program so i'm peacing out of there. If Alvernia does not accept me, however, thennnn yeah, I'm dropping out and calling it a day. I'm so consistent.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and decide I wanna be a botanist. That sounds fun. Who knows. I knew this about myself a long time ago and I should have realized it wasn't going to go away just because I grew up and blew away.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I do know that I'm really good at getting people to ignore me. I'm not that person who just sits idly by and shuts up when you're being stupid. sorry. And don't ask me my opinion if you're just going to ignore me when I give it to you. I really... don't know. It's like, ten steps forward, fifty steps back.

I'm dealing so well with life these days, obviously. I'm not quite sure there's a Xanax dose large enough to calm me down half the time. And I hate doctors so I refuse to go soooo i'm left to my own devices of dancing around parking lots and calming myself down in less than healthy ways.

This is why I enjoy the night. It masks everything. I go outside and can't see a damn thing, I can't see the world, and I'm okay with that. The world is a scary place. The night can be scary too. Things seem bigger and badder and way more complicated masked by the night. But the night has the stars and they may be the most magical thing that I have ever seen. Daytime is convenient, but who wants to settle for convenient?

Road rage

First, I should say that I am, by no means, the best driver in the world. In fact, I suck, mostly at night, at getting myself from point A to B without panicking. But there are certain things that are just common sense...

1. If I can't see your headlights in my mirror you are toooooo close. Seriously, how hard is it to brake before you're on my bumper? Also, if you see me moving up because this occurs, don't freaking move up more so you're just as close, douches.

2) If you're turning... just put your turn signal on. It's not that hard. Also, if you're turning... five turns from now, don't put your turn signal on and pass all the turns and expect me to read your mind and brake quickly enough to not have to swerve around your dumb ass.

3) You can't be blind... so you obviously see me and my huge gold car coming towards you... with no traffic behind me, so why the hell do you need to pull out in front of me? Oh, you're on your cell phone and trying to apply makeup. Okay, makes sense.

4) It's raining and it's foggy and yeah, I'm going below the speed limit. See that lane right to the left of me? Oh, that's the passing lane. Completely empty. Use it. 

5) I get that it's day time and you don't feel the need to use your headlights, that used to be me, but seriously? It's winter, the sun is not out and it's randomly foggy... your headlights might not make much of a difference to you (or maybe if you tried them they would...) but it certainly makes me be able to spot your speeding ass in a quickly manner so i can avoid you.

That's just the start of it... maybe I need to hire a chauffeur.

So yeah, I dropped my Tuesday night class and this week, the first week, I had to skip class tonight because I freak out when I reached a curvy stretch of road, covered in snow, and fog so thick I couldn't see. So hopefully my professor is awesome enough to not hold it against me, because I think I'm more valuable to the class alive than if I'd end up in a ditch somewhere. Cause honestly, I just didn't see myself in class tonight. For whatever reason. But I still attempted to go... so if I wouldn't have turned around, and my vision of not getting there came true, who knows where I would have ended up. I'm paranoid, I know.

You love my psychosis...

rainbow bright snuggies are so not lame.

Winter has finally arrived in northeast pa. Our highs haven't been getting out of the teens and everyone is freezing. I spent an hour outside last night, when the low was 9 degrees, talking about ghosts... I may be crazy. But we definitely heard a ghost banging on the doors and it just wasn't safe to re enter the building or for me to get into my car. Who knows what those ghosts may have done. 

My job is getting crazier by the day. Corporate asshats seem to think they can show up whenever they want and change everything... I guess they technically can, you know, being corporate and all. But it still sucks. For I have to watch my back at all times and that's super hard when you're in a kiosk right smack dab in the middle of the mall. They come at ya from all directions.

My hormones seems to be at an all time high. I've been crying over everything. My hair, the cold, little kids yelling at me, my dog barking, nonsensical things, sensical things like the future. I'm a ticking time bomb. I'm just hoping it passes by next week when school starts because I really don't want to walk into classes with puffy eyes and a hoarse voice. That's a fabulous first impression. 

I've been going through pictures on my computer and I've come to determine that I used to have a floor in my bedroom. That's going to be my goal for tomorrow, I guess. I have all morning and afternoon... so i introduce operation locate megan's floor.... this may result in me not having a bed when I get sick of cleaning and just throw everything on a pile on top of my bed. We shall see. 

I guess there just hasn't been much going on lately. I've been catching up on tv shows... My top list you ask?

1) Pretty Little Liars, biiiiiiiig things are happening!

2) Parks and Recreation, I have a crush on Aziz Ansari... shhhhh...

3) New girl, who doesn't love zooey?

4) Bunheads, cause it's so much like gilmore girls, except completely different.

5) Hart of Dixie, cause I've always wanted to be a southern belle.

I have a life, I swear. It's just... cold outside, you know. And people are stupid.